Motherhood

Being a mother is the hardest and most important role in my life. I never knew what that would mean though….when we decided to have children what that would mean to our every day normal (and sometimes boring life). I had the fantasy that when you had a child (or children) that all would be rosy, cheerful and good. Don’t get me wrong, the little bundles of joy bring me so much pleasure I can hardly stand myself. Their cute little cherub faces, love in their eyes and their sense of peace when they lie their little heads down for sleep. Ah sleep! No one ever told me that once you have these little people (which is what I call most children) that sleep would come in spurts…if at all. No sleep because the baby is crying, or the little people would need your assurance after a nightmare has them scared out of their wits. It goes on through their teenage years as well when a love of theirs dumps them and they need your love and support to get the through the rough patches. Sleep doesn’t come when they move out either; you stay up wondering if you raised them well enough for them to look after themselves. I can sleep later. Something else comes over you when you decide to have children FEAR! I have never been a fearful  child, teenager or young adult…it wasn’t until after having sweet babies fear became a constant companion (now it’s almost like an old friend). When you bring that little person home, you become totally responsible for their every need – and they are needy! Why are they crying? Why are they fussy? What is that rash? Do I change them often enough? It goes on…fearful of …what did they swallow – a quarter?, what if they fall and hurt themselves? Why aren’t they getting good grades, why in the earth would they have a fist fight at school, where they are – it’s 2:00 in the morning? Are they drinking, using drugs seeing a person that is less than desirable? Do they break the law when I’m not there to guide them in the right path? They know the right path...I have done my job; I have set a good example! I have dragged them to church, to vacation outings, to Boy Scout camp, on field trips; I have been a room mother, a den mother, and mother hen. I have sat with them around the kitchen table while they rant and rave at the unfair world about friends, grades, boyfriend/ girlfriend issues, I have made clothing, quilts and resumes. They know right from wrong, but alas they are people too…mostly grown young adults now, finding their own way, their own path. They have to stumble and fall again and again…and I will have to let them go. I have been catching them for so long; it is hard to let them fall without being “a safe spot  for them to land on”. I have to let them make decisions and face their consequences. What if they don’t make the right choice...then what…ah they will learn a lesson and isn’t that what life is all about? Learning from ones mistakes, facing consequences, fighting for what you believe in? Hello fear I see your back!